Redemption Road
Football weekends have many plotlines. They come from rivalry, to status, to postseason implications, to saving a season. It happens every weekend all throughout the country. However, every once in awhile, the Gods of Lombardi, Bryant, and Rick Neuheisel (Wait, he's still alive?) smile down on us in the Northwest and the Huskies and the Seahawks both play season defining games. Here's a timeline of what will occur this weekend for yours truly:
Friday:
7:45pm- Finalize tailgating plans with assorted friends, including my buddies Parker, Dimeling, and Evan. My roommate Shaflik's parents have got a spot at the moor and are bringing their boat in. We discuss staying "presentable" for the inevitable food/beer run we'll make there.
9:10- Arrive at my friend Jeff's place to prefunk to go out for the night.
9:11- I announce that I'm taking it easy tonight to save myself for the game tomorrow.
9:40- I finish my third tequila shot. I immediately regret it.
10:35- Leave for the bar of choice for the night, fully intending to only have one beer.
Saturday
12:41am- I sign out my tab of $32.57. Foggy, I think, "Yup, that's about right."
1:41- Crawl into bed and set my alarm for 10:15am. Thank God for late kickoffs.
10:15- "Jesus Christ... WAAAAATER!"
11:05- Start walking to Bozick's to get my car.
11:20- I wonder if there's a bus that would get there faster?
11:30- Get into my car and start listening to KJR. The Professor John Clayton talking about the Hawks. "I'm back, baby!"
12:10pm- Leave for my buddy Heistand's place to prefunk the tailgate. Um, yeah. That's how we roll. (Heistand is a UW med student and a fraternity buddy. He's currently in Boise doing a surgical rotation. Can't wait to see the look on his roommates' faces when we still show up. "Uh, hey guys... You know, Heistand's not here..." They've got a prime spot to walk to the game from. Sorry guys.)
1:50- Get to the usual tailgate north of the climbing rock. A bunch of friends from school all migrate there. I think there's probably 5 actual cars with Tyee passes, but something like 200 people show up. It's like the 26 yr old of the equivalent of hearing about a free kegger in college.
2:55- Little brother shows up and is shitcanned. Ah, to be a sophomore again.
3:25- Run and drink the last beer at the same time toward the gates of heaven: Husky Stadium.
3:37- Kickoff and blood is in the air.
3:38- Marlon Wood runs back the opening kick for UW. It's ON.
3:41- Dan Howell picks off a hapless OSU Beaver Matt Morris. There's that feeling in the air, back five years ago, when it was never quiet, even during timeouts in Husky Stadium. That feeling when opponents came into Husky Stadium and just sort of looked around lost, like "What have we gotten ourselves into?"
5:02- Halftime. Score is 24-6 UW. This what they needed. The makings of a blowout. Isaiah is in total control. The run game looks strong. OSU is just trying to not make mistakes on offense, and their defense is more run over than the Burke-Gillman.
5:35- Trying to break away someone I haven't seen in awhile and I hear the first roar of the second half. "Hey, it was great to see you, but my buddies aren't gonna hold my seat. I'll call you."
5:36- Try to find my friends at five various locations in the parking lot.
5:50- Get back into the game. 31-6??? What happened?
6:15- Leave the game. UW's put in Jake Locker (Kidding. Settle down.) and have the game in hand 34-13 with 4:31 left in the game.
6:51- Arrive at The Duchess to celebrate with the revelers. Go 3-1 in shuffleboard.
???- Leave The Duch.
Sunday
9:50am- Wake up. FUUUUUUUCK! The Hawks!
10:10- Stop for Gatorade. Get to Parker's for Man Day. (Man Day Rule No. 1 "Do not talk about ma... OK, it's no eating food that's not delivered." No. 2 "No showering." No. 3 "In light of No. 2, no women." No. 4 "Fantasy Stattracker must be up at all times.")
10:25- St. Louis goes up 7-0 on a bomb to Torry Holt. Does Kelly Herndon have sense perception, or does he run into closed doors and grab for handles from 10 feet away?
10:53- Jeff Wilkins FG. Not looking good. STL 10-0.
11:12- Matt Hasselbeck leads the team on an 80 yard TD drive, capped with Mo Morris getting off the schnide with a 3 yard TD run. 10-7 STL.
11:29- Steven Jackson goes right through the middle, with Lofa Tatupu uncharacteristically out of position. 37 yard TD run. 17-7 STL at Half.
11:42- Pizza comes. They forgot our breadsticks. I hate Pizza Hut.
12:07pm- St Louis drives, but come up short with a big (GASP) Grant Wistrom sack, his first sack since the Reagan Administration. FG STL 20-7
12:24- Morris goes in for his 2nd TD of the game from the 4. Have I mentioned Morris is on my fantasy team? STL 20-14.
12:35- Leroy Hill picks off Marc Bulger and goes down to the SEA 41.
12:42- Drive stalls and Josh Brown makes a 52 yard FG. STL 20-17.
12:43- In celebrating, Parker farts and wafts into my face. I gag. We both laugh. I crack a window.
12:51- Not looking good for the Hawks. Jackson is eating the clock. On the SEA 43, 4:27 on the clock. He looks like a mix between The Predator and a Volvo.
12:59-FUMBLE! Jackson loses it when Ken Hamlin crushes him on a safety blitz! 2:06 on the clock, followed by two straight completions to Jerramy Stevens have the Hawks on the STL 48. 1:01 on the clock. Holmgren looks like those 4 halftime hot dogs are starting to work their way up.
1:03- With the drive stalling in FG range, Holmgren gives Morris a handoff with :48 left. I wake up Parker's elderly neighbor from my screaming. Looks like he'll settle for a FG and play for overtime.
1:04- On 3rd down, Hawks go 4 wide and Hasselbeck hits Darrell Jackson in stride! GO GO GO! TD! 38 yard TD, SEA gets their first lead all game, 24-20! :11 left.
1:07- Hawks hold on to win! 2 huge wins deserves one thing: Sleep! Parker proceed to watch the rest of the games, talking over top of Joe Buck (Can I turn on the TV without seeing this guy?)
It's the best of the best! A weekend of two huge wins, celebrated in style. I can't wait for this all to come true. Then, it's off to my bookie's!
Friday:
7:45pm- Finalize tailgating plans with assorted friends, including my buddies Parker, Dimeling, and Evan. My roommate Shaflik's parents have got a spot at the moor and are bringing their boat in. We discuss staying "presentable" for the inevitable food/beer run we'll make there.
9:10- Arrive at my friend Jeff's place to prefunk to go out for the night.
9:11- I announce that I'm taking it easy tonight to save myself for the game tomorrow.
9:40- I finish my third tequila shot. I immediately regret it.
10:35- Leave for the bar of choice for the night, fully intending to only have one beer.
Saturday
12:41am- I sign out my tab of $32.57. Foggy, I think, "Yup, that's about right."
1:41- Crawl into bed and set my alarm for 10:15am. Thank God for late kickoffs.
10:15- "Jesus Christ... WAAAAATER!"
11:05- Start walking to Bozick's to get my car.
11:20- I wonder if there's a bus that would get there faster?
11:30- Get into my car and start listening to KJR. The Professor John Clayton talking about the Hawks. "I'm back, baby!"
12:10pm- Leave for my buddy Heistand's place to prefunk the tailgate. Um, yeah. That's how we roll. (Heistand is a UW med student and a fraternity buddy. He's currently in Boise doing a surgical rotation. Can't wait to see the look on his roommates' faces when we still show up. "Uh, hey guys... You know, Heistand's not here..." They've got a prime spot to walk to the game from. Sorry guys.)
1:50- Get to the usual tailgate north of the climbing rock. A bunch of friends from school all migrate there. I think there's probably 5 actual cars with Tyee passes, but something like 200 people show up. It's like the 26 yr old of the equivalent of hearing about a free kegger in college.
2:55- Little brother shows up and is shitcanned. Ah, to be a sophomore again.
3:25- Run and drink the last beer at the same time toward the gates of heaven: Husky Stadium.
3:37- Kickoff and blood is in the air.
3:38- Marlon Wood runs back the opening kick for UW. It's ON.
3:41- Dan Howell picks off a hapless OSU Beaver Matt Morris. There's that feeling in the air, back five years ago, when it was never quiet, even during timeouts in Husky Stadium. That feeling when opponents came into Husky Stadium and just sort of looked around lost, like "What have we gotten ourselves into?"
5:02- Halftime. Score is 24-6 UW. This what they needed. The makings of a blowout. Isaiah is in total control. The run game looks strong. OSU is just trying to not make mistakes on offense, and their defense is more run over than the Burke-Gillman.
5:35- Trying to break away someone I haven't seen in awhile and I hear the first roar of the second half. "Hey, it was great to see you, but my buddies aren't gonna hold my seat. I'll call you."
5:36- Try to find my friends at five various locations in the parking lot.
5:50- Get back into the game. 31-6??? What happened?
6:15- Leave the game. UW's put in Jake Locker (Kidding. Settle down.) and have the game in hand 34-13 with 4:31 left in the game.
6:51- Arrive at The Duchess to celebrate with the revelers. Go 3-1 in shuffleboard.
???- Leave The Duch.
Sunday
9:50am- Wake up. FUUUUUUUCK! The Hawks!
10:10- Stop for Gatorade. Get to Parker's for Man Day. (Man Day Rule No. 1 "Do not talk about ma... OK, it's no eating food that's not delivered." No. 2 "No showering." No. 3 "In light of No. 2, no women." No. 4 "Fantasy Stattracker must be up at all times.")
10:25- St. Louis goes up 7-0 on a bomb to Torry Holt. Does Kelly Herndon have sense perception, or does he run into closed doors and grab for handles from 10 feet away?
10:53- Jeff Wilkins FG. Not looking good. STL 10-0.
11:12- Matt Hasselbeck leads the team on an 80 yard TD drive, capped with Mo Morris getting off the schnide with a 3 yard TD run. 10-7 STL.
11:29- Steven Jackson goes right through the middle, with Lofa Tatupu uncharacteristically out of position. 37 yard TD run. 17-7 STL at Half.
11:42- Pizza comes. They forgot our breadsticks. I hate Pizza Hut.
12:07pm- St Louis drives, but come up short with a big (GASP) Grant Wistrom sack, his first sack since the Reagan Administration. FG STL 20-7
12:24- Morris goes in for his 2nd TD of the game from the 4. Have I mentioned Morris is on my fantasy team? STL 20-14.
12:35- Leroy Hill picks off Marc Bulger and goes down to the SEA 41.
12:42- Drive stalls and Josh Brown makes a 52 yard FG. STL 20-17.
12:43- In celebrating, Parker farts and wafts into my face. I gag. We both laugh. I crack a window.
12:51- Not looking good for the Hawks. Jackson is eating the clock. On the SEA 43, 4:27 on the clock. He looks like a mix between The Predator and a Volvo.
12:59-FUMBLE! Jackson loses it when Ken Hamlin crushes him on a safety blitz! 2:06 on the clock, followed by two straight completions to Jerramy Stevens have the Hawks on the STL 48. 1:01 on the clock. Holmgren looks like those 4 halftime hot dogs are starting to work their way up.
1:03- With the drive stalling in FG range, Holmgren gives Morris a handoff with :48 left. I wake up Parker's elderly neighbor from my screaming. Looks like he'll settle for a FG and play for overtime.
1:04- On 3rd down, Hawks go 4 wide and Hasselbeck hits Darrell Jackson in stride! GO GO GO! TD! 38 yard TD, SEA gets their first lead all game, 24-20! :11 left.
1:07- Hawks hold on to win! 2 huge wins deserves one thing: Sleep! Parker proceed to watch the rest of the games, talking over top of Joe Buck (Can I turn on the TV without seeing this guy?)
It's the best of the best! A weekend of two huge wins, celebrated in style. I can't wait for this all to come true. Then, it's off to my bookie's!
posted by Justin Graden at 9:48 PM
3 Comments:
Can you please enter into your timeline somewhere for Saturday, "Shotgun a Busch Light with Deanna's mom"?
I'm impressed Garden. Plus it may end up being stunningly accurate; though you did fail to mention that you will lose your fantasy football game in the process.
I wish to post an addendum to your "Redemption Road" schedule posted Friday the 13th.
Friday:
9:12pm- First game of "Hockey" played. For the uninitiated, this drinking game has become popularized in recent years around (Mr. Belltown) Bozick's home. http://www.pagat.com/invented/hockey1.html
9:25pm- Ridiculous conversation on Jeff's Deck. (Old Lady across from said deck wonders how such smart, successful people could be debating the odor's aquired whilst dining at a local Pho restaurant? And must they yell?)
12:41 note: The $32.57 is hilarious, especially considering that was primarily beer purchased.
12:42- (optional) Justin thinks, "Should I save the five dollars and just walk home (from Belltown to my home on the other side of Queen Anne)?" Not suggested.
Saturday:
2:00pm- Upon arriving (albeit far from "presentable," or even respectable) at Shaf's boat, Justin wonders why Gordy (father) hasn't mentioned the scent of champagne, suntan oil, and sex left in the cabin from the last time JG visited the vessel. (read: Champagne Campaign)
I would also like to note that after the tailgates, I STILL walk into Husky Stadium and just sort of look around lost, like "What have we gotten ourselves into?"
Also, Im curious about your thoughts on the Duch versus Dante's. Please discuss.
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