Take Your Medicine
I have a few thoughts on a few topics, but not enough to really throw an entire column at. It's points in the year like this where I thought coming up with something completely engaging would be impossible and I'd have to settle for marginally tolerable. Enjoy!
Super Bowl
Is it just me, or do you find Peyton Manning somewhat more likable all of the sudden? For years, dating back to Tennessee, Archie's kid couldn't win the big one and had that stink about him. I liken this to the kid in school who graduates high school with a 4.0, then goes off to some prestigous college and has a breakdown because he can't figure out how to work the laundry machine. All these years, he's been the expert of the system, but been a failed field general. He couldn't even beat Florida when he was a Vol, then he graduates and some guy named Tee Martin leads them to a National Championship.
However, now that he's got a ring and he's got that Volvo off his back, he's kinda endearing. (The week before the Super Bowl and even now, Peyton insists that he never felt like he had a monkey on his back or that there was any more pressure on him. This is among the bigger lies an athlete has ever told the public. Peyton looks like he just blew his inheritance at The Bunny Ranch ever since the game. Brittany Murphy's transformation was only slightly more startling.)
He looks at ease. He hasn't had that stern face and church posture the last few days. He seems relaxed. He seems normal. God, I can't wait for him to get all uptight again in the Pro Bowl.
(Random Fact #1: At Ole Miss, Archie Manning's alma mater, the speed limit is 18 miles per hour on campus, because that was Archie's number. That's what Peyton grew up with. I feel like you need to know these things.)
In a completely unrelated topic, before watching the Super Bowl, I watched an overweight couple in their mid-40s throw a football in the park across the street from my friend Blake's house. The man had a mustache, salt and pepper hair, a baby beer gut, and was wearing sweatpants. He was firing wounded ducks at his wife. This, I thought, is probably what Rex Grossman will be doing in 5 years.
Huckin Fuskies
Oh my dear lord, what the hell happened to my team?
Ryan Appleby needs to stop. Stop shooting, stop playing defense, and for the sake of the children, stop dribbling. He has been so overvalued, that if he went 0-4 from 3 point land on Thursday, everyone would actually think he's improved. His dribbling has this air of disaster about it. It's the sports equivalent of a red carpet appearance by Tara Reid. You know the nipple is coming out, it's just a question of when. The defense, which in years past had been the strength of the team has been abysmal. Romar needs to go to work, if not for this year which is pretty much shot, then for next year's team. Though there is still a chance for this team to go to the tourney, it's fading fast. A sweep over the bay area schools this weekend is mandatory and a tall task. Stanford and Cal both need to improve their resumes for the tourney and neither team will relax against the Dawgs. I have a feeling that Madison Square Garden awaits.
As for the rest of the Pac-10, I can't figure out how Tony Bennett is making so much more out of the Cougs than his Dad did. What were the Vegas odds on the Cougs even being .500 at the end of the season? This is why I love college basketball... even if it's the Cougs. I hate everything about Oregon. Aaron Brooks could have a garbage fire break out in his fro and I'd snicker, then take pictures. And we beat them. I'm hanging my hat on that. Look for 6 teams to get in to the tourney; UCLA, Washington State, USC, Oregon, Stanford, and Arizona. Washington or Cal could each get in with strong finishes and Pac-10 tourneys. The rule of thumb is usually if you get 20 wins, you're in. This year, I think Cal and UW will have to do better. (Random Fact #2: The two toughest, baddest freshmen in the Pac-10 are Stanford's Lopez twins. Their first names are Robin and Brook. I'm just saying.)
Ugly Notes
I suddenly want to be an astronaut... Gilbert Arenas' mission has me interested in the NBA for the first time since 1998... Ty Willingham got every recruit to sign yesterday, which makes for a 7.5 class. Pretty impressive for a 5-7 team... It's been over a week since I saw Smokin' Aces and I still can't decide if I like it or not... David Beckham will not be worth 2.5 million to the Los Angeles Galaxy in 2 years... Worst Super Bowl Commercials ever... Kevin Durant will be the best forward in the NBA in 3 years... Breaking News: Bill Bavasi is a moron... If it's possible to overdose on a person, I'm going to need an adrenaline shot the next time I see Peyton Manning. Retract my earlier statement... Anna Nicole Smith passed away today, which saddened me deeply because her Playboy issue, which I stole from my Grandfather's house when I was 12, helped me become a man. I'll never forget.
Super Bowl
Is it just me, or do you find Peyton Manning somewhat more likable all of the sudden? For years, dating back to Tennessee, Archie's kid couldn't win the big one and had that stink about him. I liken this to the kid in school who graduates high school with a 4.0, then goes off to some prestigous college and has a breakdown because he can't figure out how to work the laundry machine. All these years, he's been the expert of the system, but been a failed field general. He couldn't even beat Florida when he was a Vol, then he graduates and some guy named Tee Martin leads them to a National Championship.
However, now that he's got a ring and he's got that Volvo off his back, he's kinda endearing. (The week before the Super Bowl and even now, Peyton insists that he never felt like he had a monkey on his back or that there was any more pressure on him. This is among the bigger lies an athlete has ever told the public. Peyton looks like he just blew his inheritance at The Bunny Ranch ever since the game. Brittany Murphy's transformation was only slightly more startling.)
He looks at ease. He hasn't had that stern face and church posture the last few days. He seems relaxed. He seems normal. God, I can't wait for him to get all uptight again in the Pro Bowl.
(Random Fact #1: At Ole Miss, Archie Manning's alma mater, the speed limit is 18 miles per hour on campus, because that was Archie's number. That's what Peyton grew up with. I feel like you need to know these things.)
In a completely unrelated topic, before watching the Super Bowl, I watched an overweight couple in their mid-40s throw a football in the park across the street from my friend Blake's house. The man had a mustache, salt and pepper hair, a baby beer gut, and was wearing sweatpants. He was firing wounded ducks at his wife. This, I thought, is probably what Rex Grossman will be doing in 5 years.
Huckin Fuskies
Oh my dear lord, what the hell happened to my team?
Ryan Appleby needs to stop. Stop shooting, stop playing defense, and for the sake of the children, stop dribbling. He has been so overvalued, that if he went 0-4 from 3 point land on Thursday, everyone would actually think he's improved. His dribbling has this air of disaster about it. It's the sports equivalent of a red carpet appearance by Tara Reid. You know the nipple is coming out, it's just a question of when. The defense, which in years past had been the strength of the team has been abysmal. Romar needs to go to work, if not for this year which is pretty much shot, then for next year's team. Though there is still a chance for this team to go to the tourney, it's fading fast. A sweep over the bay area schools this weekend is mandatory and a tall task. Stanford and Cal both need to improve their resumes for the tourney and neither team will relax against the Dawgs. I have a feeling that Madison Square Garden awaits.
As for the rest of the Pac-10, I can't figure out how Tony Bennett is making so much more out of the Cougs than his Dad did. What were the Vegas odds on the Cougs even being .500 at the end of the season? This is why I love college basketball... even if it's the Cougs. I hate everything about Oregon. Aaron Brooks could have a garbage fire break out in his fro and I'd snicker, then take pictures. And we beat them. I'm hanging my hat on that. Look for 6 teams to get in to the tourney; UCLA, Washington State, USC, Oregon, Stanford, and Arizona. Washington or Cal could each get in with strong finishes and Pac-10 tourneys. The rule of thumb is usually if you get 20 wins, you're in. This year, I think Cal and UW will have to do better. (Random Fact #2: The two toughest, baddest freshmen in the Pac-10 are Stanford's Lopez twins. Their first names are Robin and Brook. I'm just saying.)
Ugly Notes
I suddenly want to be an astronaut... Gilbert Arenas' mission has me interested in the NBA for the first time since 1998... Ty Willingham got every recruit to sign yesterday, which makes for a 7.5 class. Pretty impressive for a 5-7 team... It's been over a week since I saw Smokin' Aces and I still can't decide if I like it or not... David Beckham will not be worth 2.5 million to the Los Angeles Galaxy in 2 years... Worst Super Bowl Commercials ever... Kevin Durant will be the best forward in the NBA in 3 years... Breaking News: Bill Bavasi is a moron... If it's possible to overdose on a person, I'm going to need an adrenaline shot the next time I see Peyton Manning. Retract my earlier statement... Anna Nicole Smith passed away today, which saddened me deeply because her Playboy issue, which I stole from my Grandfather's house when I was 12, helped me become a man. I'll never forget.
posted by Justin Graden at 9:26 PM
1 Comments:
You write very well.
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